Dark Thoughts

I still shed tears most of the nights when im alone...
I feel useless somehow...that no one is actually listening to me...
They would say something like "i will be there for you when you need me"
And they never came..
They dont know how that effects me..
And how much it really means to me..
How much i appreciate it.
Then they would say "i would never leave you"
But in the end... they were never there..
In the end, they walk away when things are too hard to handle..

Heartless is what they called me..
I used to be hurt when someone calls me that..
But then i started to love it..
I wish i was it..
I really dont want to care...
I really dont want to bother anymore..
But i just couldnt stop..
I wonder..
Is it a punishment for me?
So i would feel hurt even more by caring about others?

It hurts my bones and soul...
When they said "you never care anyway"
I really wish i dont give a single fuck..
It hurts so bad..
How could they say something as cruel as that?
When i actually care about them..alot.
They promised things when they are happy..
And they take back all their words when they are upset..
And leave me with nothing else..
But a broken pieces..

I really am tired of giving love..
I have nothing else to offer..
I wish i never pick up all my broken pieces and depend on someone else to put it all back together..

I wanted to walk away..
I wanted to run away..
I wanted to leave everything all behind..
I wanted rest..
I wanted to take a break from all the pain..

I just wanted to be loved sincerely..